I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
