I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
