Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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