I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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