His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
