You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
