K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
