i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize