girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
