nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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