The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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