the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
