I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
