I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
