I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
