im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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