dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
His nipple licking is glorious
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