Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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