You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
