She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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