so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I supernannyed him into submission
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
