Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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