So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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