erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We have started to decorate penises.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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