Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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