dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
