Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
