he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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