I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
