I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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