Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
