If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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