ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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