So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
