very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
