That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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