I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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