Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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