I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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