my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
