My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
