Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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