Umm I'm too high to move.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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