Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
