who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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