the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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