How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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