Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
