i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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