yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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