I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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