just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
