Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize