he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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