Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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