I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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