I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
