....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize