Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
