I'm going to jail i love you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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