I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he thought i was a dude.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
