who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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