i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize