mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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