I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will be naked everywhere
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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