in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
