I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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