i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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