Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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