You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
