Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
two words: eviction party
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
