you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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