I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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