roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
