So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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