Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I could teleport
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
