I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
